Sunday Art Gala: What If Wrestling Was Actually Anime

Usually our art galas are glorious examples of high-quality sketching — this week we’re having troubles in that department, so you’ll have to hold onto your hats until next week. Instead, I’m bringing you some examples of mixed-media.

You remember we did archery, and began a little look at CHIKARA? When it comes to nerdsports, WWWF-WWF-WWE-TheWW isn’t too far down the beaten track. So I guess I’ll go there.

There are a great many faults in the company culture of the WWE. I can only talk as an English outsider to the dazzling world of American Sports Entertainment, but why lie about what I perceive? It’s a company that, in August 2014, brought “Filthy, dirty, disgusting, bottom feeding, trash bag ho” back from 1999 to describe (again) the one woman who visibly holds power within their industrial structure. It employs and re-employs definite and alleged sex criminals (this is a company who put this guy on commentary to shriek about “puppies”, which means “breasts”, every time woman employees were visible during work hours, for years) and there’s all the unspoken, institutional homophobia and for-granted sexism you might expect.

I still want to watch it for some reason, and so do a lot of people. It’s “not all bad” (60-40, I’d say, with the weight going either way depending on weekly creative choices?) and I have to feel sympathetic to the people on the stage taking a smack to the face or wherever; there are basically very few other choices if you feel like wrestle is your calling and you wanna shoot for guaranteeing yourself some long-term income. Company culture doesn’t necessarily reflect poorly upon the front of house employees. I deal with my mixed feelings about the dubbladubblyew by refusing to take it seriously, and by engineering ways to talk about my probs on a nice safe site like this one.

So here we go, gals: What if Wrestling Was Actually Anime?

AJ Boy: AJ Lee, Astro Boy

Enduringly popular, rather small, and intended by some old guy to be youthful forever; both AJ and Atom are probably pretty tired of things by this point.

Alumbrose: Dean Ambrose, Alucard (Hellsing)

Kind of weird and nasty. A lot of people still want to sleep with him.

Seth Rollins, Black Jack

Really want to make a Black Flag joke here (Black Jack… Rollins… Hnnng…) but can’t make it work. This one is obvious: only for the hair.

Bouk: Bo Dallas, Ryuk (Death Note)

Menacing and joyful all at once, and a personal favourite on both counts.

Cesaro, Lupin III

Flexible European unafraid to be rude or underhanded? Yes, check, yes

Space Adventure Dolpha: Dolph Ziggler, Space Adventure Cobra

Why did I really make all of these? Because this one is Just Right, and I knew it would be

Hiker Nob: Zeb Colter, Pokemon Hiker

Finding a screenshot of a Hiker called “Nob” was just a bonus. Zeb Colter is so cute & well designed, visually, that I always think of Pokemon (I KNOW Pokemon is a viddyagame but it is ALSO an anime and look shut up this is MY HOUSE) when I look at him. Unfortunately his character is a reactive racist who preaches xenophobia and ~traditional gender roles… and he’s currently playing a good guy in the ongoing Cold War against American pop performers and wide Bulgarians. So “Nob” is apt, ey?

Hokuto No Lemon: Adam Rose, Kenshiro (Hokuto No Ken)

I just love this one. It’s ten times more wonderful than I imagined it would be.

Los SuperTurtores: Los Matadores (Fernando & Diego), Super Turtles (the TMNT anime OVA (yes I own it))

Those masks just make you look like ninja turtles, guys. They really do. I like it.

Paigeta

I read a list of “greatest anime characters” during a creative slump and I didn’t even notice that the wee profile used the word “frenemy”. But that just goes to show! Fate. Twists & turns, good guy bad guy, inferiority complex, blah blah. Paige/AJ feud right there, nah? Yah.

Sami Spiegel: Sami Zayn, Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop)

I don’t really get this one. But it was a request and I gives my people whats they wants

Super Sheamus: Sheamus, Super Seiyan Goku (Dragon Ball Whatever)

I can’t stop laughing. He looks so serious

That Sandow: Damien Sandow, That Man (Excel Saga)

I don’t really remember what happens in Excel Saga. My pal Rob suggested this combo, though, and anything that gets people to pay attention to Damien Sandow is OK by me.