Hey, Be A Buddy & Don’t Do That: The Surprise Dick Pic

Dudes, a tip (pun definitely intended):

It is exceedingly unlikely that someone will enjoy a surprise picture of your penis. It is a rarity that one hears their phone buzz, picks it up, sees a photo of just some junk (usually not even artfully stagedgive me a decorative fern, a pedestal, a velvet curtain!), and is like “awesome, this is exactly what I wanted.” A penis is a thing one usually wants to view in a specific setting, and out of context, they can be pretty jarring.

Let me rephrase this so you might better understand: imagine you are riding the subway in your chosen city. The man sitting across from you suddenly opens his coat to reveal his penis to you. Do you enjoy this experience? Are you like, “awesome, this is exactly what I wanted”?

That’s a rather extreme option, let’s blur those lines a bit. Imagine you have a friend. A friend you talk to regularly and feel pretty comfortable with, in a strictly platonic way, or maybe even in a sexual way. Imagine that one day, totally unsolicited, this friend just straight up shows you his penis. Just like, BAM! Penis!

Do you feel like your safety has been violated by this friend? Does this feel like a threatening action? Are you upset because you were having a totally normal conversation and you weren’t necessarily eager to see a dick during it? Did you maybe want to see the penis in question, but not right then, without asking to see it?

This scenario is often what it is like to receive a surprise dick pic (or SDP, as we in the WWAC email chain have been referring to them).

Maybe you don’t mean any harm by it, and share the opinion of the chill bro who wrote this “we all send dickpix lol shrug!” article (and took all accountability away, instead making the incident in question about two dudes having some manly beef based on “jealousy”). Maybe you are a chronic sender of penis photos who is really degrading to the efforts of dudes who are trying not to be total creepazoids.

Perhaps you do not realize that sending SDPs is sexual harassment. Perhaps you do not even see it as overtly sexual, or recognize that men are given a crazily high bar for sexual harassment short of physically harming someone, and think that SDPs are just something that happens, get over it, y’all!

This is not a smear piece on Yale Stewart, or about any of the other accusations that have been levied against him that are unrelated to his penis. This is a friendly reminder to those who might like to engage in some dick pic play.

But when is it appropriate to send a photograph of my penis?

  • If they are like “let me see a photo of that dick!” ☑
  • If they say the secret code phrase that you made up and mutually agreed upon, that means “let me see a photo of that dick!” ☑
  • If you ask “hey can I send a photo of my dick?” and they say “yes please” ☑
  • If you ask “hey can I send you a photo of my dick?” and they say “no thank you” ☒
  • If you just want to send someone a photo of your dick ☒

If you are someone who does not send dick pics on the regular, but feels angry that a person that makes work you like is being called out for doing so, here are some tips for you:

  • Do not harass victims.
  • Do not ever insinuate that a victim of sexual harassment is speaking out “for attention.”
  • Do not demand to see a photograph of the dick in question as “proof.” If you really want to see said dick so badly, consult the checklist I have outlined above.

A final word of advice to professionals who feel it is appropriate to send unsolicited photographs of their junk: do you really want to be that guy? Information spreads fast these days, and networks like Twitter allow “open secrets” of the industry to be revealed publicly, possibly putting your career in jeopardy. Next time you feel a need to send a photograph of your penis to a non-consenting party, stop and think: do I want to be known for the merit of my work, or do I want to be known as the guy who sent his penis to a bunch of people who didn’t want to see it?

Ivy Noelle Weir

Ivy Noelle Weir

Ivy Noelle Weir is a Librarian, Writer, Photographer, and feminist geek out to ruin everything you love. She tweets excessively at @ivynoelle.

3 thoughts on “Hey, Be A Buddy & Don’t Do That: The Surprise Dick Pic

  1. First let me just say I do not approve of unsolicited dickpics (or SDPs) in any way shape or form (nor have I ever sent any, but as a bi-guy I have recieved a few.)
    With that out of the way, let me try to shed some light.

    Why do some guys do it?
    You have to put yourself in their shoes and reverse the premise.
    How would a guy like that react if a girl sent a SVP? (Surprise Vag Pic?)
    I know you know exactly how they’d react.

    That’s half of the equation.
    The other half is that they do not realize that women do not feel about guys the way guys feel about women.
    When a guy (like that) gets a surprise vag pic, it’s a pleasant surprise.
    When a woman gets a surprise dick pic, it’s rude and uncomfortable (and more often than not a reminder of patriarchy, since it’s far too often from a person who is influential in some way in their life.)

    1. How would a guy like that react if a girl sent a SVP? (Surprise Vag Pic?)
      I know you know exactly how they’d react.

      I super, super don’t

      1. Fair enough.
        I shouldn’t have assumed.
        I wrote all of that rather hastily, and reading it now… Every aspect of it could be improved.

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