Deena and Jade are back in my review of The Wrong Number 2: Mr. Faberson is out of jail, and Chuck keeps acting like a dumbass. What will happen this time?!
Call waiting…to kill!
It’s been a year in The Wrong Number timeline, and Deena and Jade start receiving threatening phone calls again. Looks like the prank is on them this time!
Bill Schmidt on cover duties again — yay! Deena (the blonde) looks appropriately distressed while Jade (the redhead in the green catsuit — she is really into catsuits) looks appropriately titillated. Deena’s hand is kind of high up on Jade’s leg which might have something to do with that though.
Things are going well for Deena. She has her pick of cute, popular boys to date, but she keeps having nightmares about the night Mr. Faberson trapped her in her own poncho. But soon her nightmares come to life when she starts getting threatening phone calls from a mysterious caller who has a way with metaphor:
“This is your wrong number. I’m coming to disconnect your line. Real soon.”
But how can it be Mr. Faberson, who is currently in jail?! Oh, let’s just cut the bullshit. It’s Chuck because Chuck is an asshat. He wants to scare Deena and Jade, so Jade will move to California with him and he can live out his dream as a filmmaker.
Also, he is jealous because Jade is getting her flirt on with a bunch of Shadyside dudes, so he decides triggering any latent PTSD is a way to show his love for her.
About the only thing interesting that happens is that Deena and Jade get dolled up in wigs again to go undercover, and Jade wears no less than 3 catsuits. Do people actually wear catsuits? Maybe Jade is like the Claudia Kishi of Shadyside:
Also, Mr. Faberson is released from jail because…I am guessing the Shadyside prison is overflowing, and they needed the space for the serial murderers. His ex-flame Linda Morrison is involved, too. There’s hidden money. It’s not particularly interesting, so I decided to make some changes to the story.
The Wrong Number 2: Jade’s Revenge by Ginnis Tonik
Since the events of The Wrong Number, Deena has had her fair share of the Shadyside boys, but it just never feels right. And for some reason, she keeps having nightmares about Mr. Faberson using a chainsaw to destroy Georgia O’Keefe paintings.
One day when she is out shopping with Jade, who keeps trying on catsuits, Deena notices a funny feeling…down there. Too uncomfortable to admit her feelings to Jade, Deena keeps playing Melissa Etheridge’s latest album Yes I Am whenever Jade is around, but Jade’s really more of a Paula Abdul kind of girl.
At the same, Deena and Jade start getting threatening phone calls. One night, terrified after a mysterious phone call, Deena’s hand slips up Jade’s thigh much to Jade’s delight. But then Chuck shows up, having dropped out of college. Deena is concerned because while she knows the other guys meant nothing, she isn’t so sure about Jade’s feelings for Chuck.
Jade tells Deena and Chuck that she thinks the calls are coming from Mr. Faberson’s ex-flame, Linda Morrison. Deena and Jade decide to go undercover again to get some information from Linda, but the gig is up when Linda quickly realizes who it is. Linda then reveals that she is really scared about Mr. Faberson being released from jail. Apparently, there’s a stash of money in the Faberson house that Linda knows about it, and Mr. Faberson is after it.
When Deena and Jade get back to Deena’s house, they tell Chuck about the money. He wants the money, so he can use it to launch his career in film making (which means he will probably wind up filming porn out of his L.A. bungalow). Deena and Jade convince him not to go, and Deena goes to bed. Jade insists on staying downstairs and hanging out with Chuck a bit longer, much to Deena’s chagrin.
Jade wakes up Deena in the middle of the night and reveals that Chuck is gone. Jade thinks he went to the Faberson’s house. Jade insists that they follow him before he gets killed.
When they get to the Faberson’s house, they find Chuck unconscious on the floor. After they revive him, he reveals he found the money, but someone came up from behind and knocked him out. Then Mr. Faberson shows up…with a gun! He gets the three teenagers down in the basement where he ties them up. He demands to know where they money is or he will start hacking away at body parts with his ole’ chainsaw.
Just then Linda shows up. She tussles with Mr. Faberson, and he ends up falling on his own chainsaw. Deena, Jade, and Chuck beg Linda to release them, but it turns out she has been out for the money the whole time. Now that Chuck has found it, she can book it to Rio, but she can’t leave around any witnesses. She pours gasoline around the basement and lights a fire.
In a stroke of ingenuity, Jade manages to free herself by using the blood soaked chainsaw sticking out of Mr. Faberson’s back to cut the ties binding her arms together. She frees Deena, but then, darn, they have to leave Chuck behind. “Save yourselves,” he insists.
Once outside, Linda is waiting for them in the getaway car. Deena is totally confused, but Jade reveals that she has been in cahoots with Linda to get the money. It was all a set-up! After Deena went to bed that night, Jade convinced Chuck to go look for the money. Jade just wants to get out of small town Shadyside and go to San Francisco with Deena. She thinks they have a real chance at getting on MTV’s hip new, documentary television show The Real World.
Moral of the Story
Slashfic for the win.
Mr. Faberson in the original, Mr. Faberson and Chuck in the rewrite.
More fun times with chainsaws!
Are catsuits 90s? Do they belong to any era? (Fun fact: Jade is mentioned on Wikipedia’s page about catsuits.)
Clearly, my version earns 5 out of 5.