In Maia Kobabe’s powerful memoir, Gender Queer, Kobabe shares eir journey to discovering eir gender queer identity and how e helped family and friends come to accept eir new pronouns. At times painfully raw, this personal story is relatable and necessary — which is why I’m incensed that Gender Queer is being banned across the USA and now, Kobabe and Oni Press are being sued.
Gender Queer: A Memoir Deluxe Edition
Maia Kobabe (Writer and Artist), Phoebe Kobabe (Colours), ND Stevenson (Introduction)
Oni Press
June 22, 2022
I first read Gender Queer during the early months of the pandemic in 2020 (I forgot I had mentioned it in a WWACommendations!). This deluxe edition includes a new cover, a foreword by She-Ra and the Princesses of Power creator, ND Stevenson, as well as insights into the art of the book. I found myself excited at the possibility of diving into the book again even though the content of the book was largely the same.
When I first read Gender Queer, I already knew the term, but here was an entire book about being gender queer. I immediately borrowed it from my library and read the book in a sitting. But long after I’d returned the book, I couldn’t get Gender Queer out of my mind—specifically how Kobabe’s reaction to learning the Spivak pronouns mirrored my own when reading about them in eir book. I had been questioning what pronouns would be right for me for a while and reading Kobabe’s memoir finally gave me the answers I’d been searching for.
There’s much more to Gender Queer than pronouns (though for me, that will be the most memorable aspect of the book). This is a memoir that is deeply personal and it often feels brave of Kobabe to give so much of emself so queer people can find themselves in eir truth. Kobabe is open about struggles with never fitting in, even in queer spaces, constantly questioning why e wasn’t like everyone else, the distaste that comes with being misgendered or forced into a gender identity that doesn’t belong. Kobabe spoke about the experience a bit more during ComicCon@Home in 2020.
There are so many instances in this book that felt real and relatable to me, but I hadn’t thought about how uncomfortable these moments in life have been until I saw them in illustrated in Gender Queer. Kobabe perfectly elaborates how e wishes at least to have a choice with regards to body parts—I had just that type of conversation with a friend some time ago and the reaction was, let’s say, less than stellar. Reading Kobabe experience the same feelings about eir body made me feel seen. It’s no wonder Gender Queer won the Stonewall Honor Award and Alex Award.
Despite the sometimes heavy subject matter in Gender Queer, the art is incredibly soothing. Kobabe provided the art with eir sister doing the colours and it’s a match made in graphic novel heaven. Kobabe masterfully captures minute human expressions both in close-up and when eir characters are far away, so the reader goes through the gamut of emotions with them. The cartoonish style makes it a joyful experience to flick through the pages but also includes a ton of detail that will have you pouring over every other panel.
The colours are a delight! I love colourful graphic novels and Gender Queer makes extensive use of a varied colour palette. The characters’ clothes, settings, accessories, books, and even the backgrounds are a smorgasbord of enticing colours that please the eye and honestly, put a smile on my face. It’s like this book is shouting to the world that queer people are happy and colourful and live rich, beautiful lives!
The art and colours help this book be more than a coming out story—it’s a journey of self-realization. Kobabe invites us, the readers, the queer people who encounter Gender Queer, to discover em and ourselves with every passing page. Not all the experiences will resonate; some may feel the opposite of your own experience—I may not feel the same level of intensity with regards to body dysmorphia that Kobabe does but I do see some of myself in eir’s struggles. Every panel of Gender Queer is necessary for getting Kobabe to a point where e has answers about eir identity and has the tools to help eir family accept em as gender queer. It’s a long process, as anyone who is non-binary knows, but Kobabe shares some tips to urge reluctant family members towards using the correct pronouns and to stop relying on gendered terminology.
My biggest takeaway from Gender Queer is that I’m glad I got to read this book. As Kobabe reiterates, most of us didn’t have non-binary role models growing up. We had to make do with asking ourselves a lot of questions and inferring gender queerness from the world around us. Having a book like Gender Queer easily accessible could save younger audiences years of questions and frustrations.
Yet, that is exactly the kind of world that groups of parents in the USA are dooming their children and so many others too.
As I write this review of the deluxe edition of Gender Queer, both Kobabe and Oni Press are being sued under Virginia’s obscenity laws. This comes on the heels of the book being banned by several schools across the US because a few parents complained about the content without even reading the book! There are only a couple of panels of sexual content in the book, and whatever little nudity is included is mostly in a medical context. Plus, the art is adorable, not titillating. In addition to all of that, Kobabe has made it clear that Gender Queer is for older teens (16+) and adults who are able to handle the subject matter. So, why this over-reaction?
Because Gender Queer is about queer people and the queer experience, and there are still regressive homophobes who have the loudest voices when it comes to expressing their displeasure. That such vocal minorities can get books banned, stop teachers from so much as discussing race, criminalize trans children, their parents and healthcare practitioners, and most recently, overturn Roe v Wade, all in the span of a few months, is positively horrifying.
What precisely are young queer people expected to do in such an environment? I remember growing up with barely any queer content. It’s taken me years to embrace being a queer person, and I still feel more like a queer-in-theory than in practice. I wouldn’t wish that long wait to find oneself on anybody. I am honestly astounded to have come to the other end of the world only to find that people will encounter the exact same problems I grew up with. It’s a travesty.
According to Kobabe’s interview with Slate, the ban on Gender Queer hasn’t really hurt sales and in fact has brought the author and book more publicity. But this ban is part of a larger and more pervasive problem of conservatism that may not be so easy to overlook.
Gender Queer helped me overcome an obstacle in my identity journey during what was arguably one of the most uncertain periods of our lives. That sudden thrill of finding my pronouns, of seeing some of my very thoughts illustrated on a page, that’s a feeling I wish I could bottle and share. I am angry that people, young readers, yes, but also adults finding their way, will be denied such opportunities. We still have precious little queer content, let alone personal stories. We need more now, not less. Queer people are more visible, happier to be ourselves, prouder of our lives, our journeys, our stories, as messy as they may be. Now is the time to share our truths with others, not hide.
Get a copy of Gender Queer, and other banned queer stories, if you can. Read it, share your love for it. Let the bigots know the queer community isn’t going anywhere soon.
