Trans narratives are filled with accounts of gender dysphoria, the pain of being misgendered. These stories are important, but their cumulative weight can be difficult to carry. This is one of the many reasons why it’s critical to share positive stories of gender affirmation and pride. When I Was Me: Moments of Gender Euphoria an important and welcome addition to the growing body of inclusive LGBTQ+ comic anthologies that celebrate the joys of queer gender identities.
When I Was Me: Moments of Gender Euphoria
Edited by Eve Greenwood and Alex Assan
Quindrie Press
October 27, 2021
The editors of When I Was Me define gender euphoria as “the overwhelming feeling of joy a gender-non-conforming person feels when their gender is explored, validated, and celebrated.” When I Was Me: Moments of Gender Euphoria collects seventy autobiographical comics by artists of various genders, ages, and nationalities. Each comic occupies a single page, with a profile of the artist at the bottom. This short format highlights an amazing range of life experiences. The comics are grouped according to loose themes such as “Memory” and “Freedom,” and each section is prefaced with a colorful and powerful full-page illustration.
Many of the artists share experiences of finding their identity in fantasy and digital spaces. Amanda Castillo opens the anthology with a piece about the agency inherent in being asked to choose your own gender in the Pokémon and Harvest Moon series. Ang Hui Quing celebrates the freedom not to identify one’s gender on the forums on the Neopets website, while Winona Powers delights in the thrill of hearing her name spoken out loud at a Tumblr meet-up. Other artists draw scenes from community-driven analog tabletop gaming and add their voices to the ongoing conversation on how fantasy roleplay with friends can create a safe space for identity exploration.
Along with gaming, Japanese animation and comics have also had a strong cultural impact on many of the anthology’s artists. Landmark shōjo series such as Sailor Moon and Revolutionary Girl Utena feature characters who are openly trans or genderqueer. Seeing these characters broadcast on afterschool television and on the shelves of mainstream bookstores has doubtlessly helped generations of young people realize that it’s acceptable to question and explore real-world constructions of gender and sexuality through dramatic stories about teenagers with secret magical identities. Numerous artists in When I Was Me reference shōjo anime and manga through visual stylizations that include the sparkling eyes, flowing hair, and soft pastel colors of their inspirations. Like a team of young warriors with superpowers, their comics come together to form a rainbow of shōjo aesthetics.
Despite many of its artists sharing common inspirations and themes, the strength of When I Was Me lies in its diversity. The anthology’s editing is excellent, with each comic fitting neatly into a smooth flow of themes and art styles. Brightly colored comics are paired together in explosions of color, while monochromatic pieces and comics with limited spot color complement each other’s emphasis on shapes, lines, or motion. The range of comic styles on display is spectacular, and the illustrations at the beginning of each chapter are bold and brilliant.
I found myself especially moved by the closing comic contributed by C. A. P. Ward, who also created the anthology’s cover. Ward invites the reader to follow them on a solo journey along a forested hiking trail, which is painted in soft shades of purple against a golden yellow sky. Ward speaks with elegance and self-assurance about the comfort of not needing to expend effort in order to pass as one gender or another in nature. “I pass undisturbed in the wild,” they write. “I pass under sunlight and shade.”
Ward’s forward momentum along the trail inspires them to think of the future, “when gender isn’t a goal, but a past to be shed.” The deep indigo of their binder blends into the leaves of the surrounding foliage, creating a sense of balance that helps to ease the tension of the journey. Ward’s short comic speaks to gender as an embodied experience that isn’t just an aesthetic, but a way of moving through a wide and beautiful world. For many trans, nonbinary, and genderqueer people, gender is also a process, and Ward’s warm and immersive work reminds readers to enjoy the hills and vistas along the way.
In their foreword, editors Eve Greenwood and Alex Assan extend their wish that this anthology will “help you understand yourself better, or help someone else understand you.” Members of the LGBTQ+ community will indeed find recognition, comfort, and happiness in When I Was Me, and the collection stands proudly as a vibrant and inspiring gallery of stories and styles to anyone of any gender identity who is interested in the beauty and diversity of contemporary comic art.
