Shiapologyscape 2014

Yesterday, noted plagiarist Shia Labeouf hired a skywriting company to publicly apologize to noted nonplagiarist Daniel Clowes. It was a bold move from this shameless copier–the only question is, who did he steal it from? (No, his sincerity is not in question. We know he’s not sincere.) Because we can’t answer that definitively, we put together a list of alternative apologies. Some shiapology possibilities.

  1. Shia stands beneath Daniel Clowes’s bedroom window with a boombox.

  2. Shia’s not crying, it’s just raining on his face.

  3. Shia apologises to Daniel Clowes’s mule.

  4. Shia confesses to spending too much time on Reddit and in freshman philosophy classes. “What does copyright even mean? I get that now.”

  5. It’s not a real apology without autotune.

  6. Playground style: Like Rob Ford, Shia is super super super sorry.

  7. America announces presidential pardon for Shia.

  8. Along with a flock of turkeys…

  9. Shia does Lennon: “It was never meant to be a Clowes-y anti-permission thing.”

  10. Shia plagiarizes Scott Lobdell and apologizes to Clowes’s spouse after a con panel.

  11. Shia steals all the world’s nukes. Spells out “Sorry Clowes” on the surface of the moon.

  12. Shia makes a sculpture of a sad man, using all of his clothes. A small placard reads, “I’m sorry Clothes.”

  13. “You complete me. I mean, my work. Your work completes my work.”

  14. Boombox Redux: In my eyes / authorship / in my eyes / is censorship / in my eyes / I see the doorway to creative respect / in my eyes / skywritten apologies you’d never expect / in my eyes / I see oppression / in my eyes / here’s my confession / I want to steal the light in your eyes / but without the creeper vibes…

  15. “Indeed, I did have a relationship with Mr. Clowes’ work that was not appropriate. In fact, it was wrong. It constituted a critical lapse in judgment and a personal failure on my part for which I am solely and completely responsible.”

Megan Purdy

Megan Purdy

Publisher of all this. Megan was born in Toronto. She's still there. Philosopher, space vampire, heart of a killer.