Dream Daddies: Big Two Edition

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Dream Daddy, the daddy dating simulator that has taken the internet and our very own contributors by storm, has gotten us thinking… who are the dream daddies of Marvel and DC? If there was a daddy dating simulator straight from the pages of our favourite big two comics who would it star? Well—we here at WWAC live to answer these important burning questions, so without further ado:

Big Two Dream Daddies✨

(Vertigo is owned by DC you nerds, so Animal Man and Preacher definitely count. God bless Cassidaddy)

Superman

Clark is good and pure, always bringing you breakfast and exotic flowers from other planets. His favorite dates are picnics at the park where he can play fetch with his dog Krypto (and yes, they’re all good dogs).

Batman

Batman is the ultra-competitive dad who is prepared for anything, and everything, with his handy utility belt. Flyaways? He’s got clips. Boo-boo? Bat bandaids. Clown face paint? Facial wipes. He also always has report cards in his utility belt from each of the Robins—even Dick, who graduated ten years ago. “Oh yeah? I got like six kids and all but one are on the honor roll.” Has a lot of female co-workers though…

Green Arrow

Green Arrow

Ollie is a slovenly mess, and every time you visit his house, Hal is on his couch. Ollie also seems to always have a thing he can’t quite get over with his ex. He also has a very strained relationship with his adult son Roy (Ollie doesn’t make it a regular habit to check with his kids to see how they’re doing).

Captain America swimsuit edition, uncredited Marvel Artist, 1992

Steve Rogers

Steve Rogers is thoughtful and considerate and is on your side in all things, even more than you sometimes are. It’s kind of a problem, like the time you complained about your boss leaving your name off a big report and he broke into the offices and changed every single copy to list your name first. (No one pressed charges, thankfully, because… Captain America.) Steve’s idea of date night usually involves volunteering as an escort at Planned Parenthood or dishing with the girls at Paint ‘n’ Sip. His children are not allowed to leave the soccer field until they’ve shaken hands with every member of the opposing team.

Tony Stark

Tony is your reckless college hookup who has inexplicably grown up to be a multi-billionaire, thanks to a seemingly half-assed tech startup he created out of boredom back when he was 22 (and his trust fund, of course). While his career thrives, overall his personal life remains a huge mess. He frequently forgets your dates… and his kid’s parent-teacher conferences. His communication skills are nonexistent, and he compensates for his poor decision-making by being too overbearing for anyone’s good. But he always tries to make up for his flaws with a cool new toy (😉) or an exotic vacation. If you win his heart and wow his kid, you’ll also get his undivided loyalty for the rest of your life.

Cyclops Emma Frost X-Men - Marvel Comics

Scott Summers

Scott Summers abandoned his wife and child, then almost lost his son to a demon incursion, THEN began taking him into active combat zones, before finally giving him up to be raised by strangers in the future. On the other hand, he’s reconciled wonderfully with that now-adult son, and they greatly enjoy morally-unhinged tactical planning together! Functions much better with people around to tell him when he’s being a tool (hourly).

X-Force #7 – Rob Liefeld, and Steve Buccellato

Cable

See above.

Thor

Adventure dad! Absolute hottie, very passionate, can take you to new heights in many different senses of the phrase. Not very good with responsibility, though. Very excitable, and occasionally prone to VERY serious brooding. Not big on monogamy, but also very honest about that—and most everything else. Sometimes forgets about his kids. May have left them at the grocery store on accident. May have left them in Alfheim on accident.

X-Men #6 (C) Marvel Comics by Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, Chic Stone and Sam Rosen

Erik

The dad who constantly feels guilty about the fact that he wasn’t there for his kids while they were growing up. He overcompensates by smothering them with attention, even if they’re now adults and have their own kids. He’s a stone-cold silver fox though.

Lobo

Lobo is the Dream Daddy for the Sons of Anarchy fan in your life who wanted Jax without all the pathos and Adidas. He’s the tough-love kind of dad who will not help the kids with homework, but will definitely encourage them to make homemade explosives and high five them for getting suspended from school. You could probably disappear completely in his embrace, and chances are doing so would be your best, and maybe only, chance of survival.

Wolverine

His kids beat up other kids…especially his girls. Has too many sharp things lying around the house; it’s definitely not kid-proofed. Then again he’s never one to back down if any of his kids are being threatened. Yeah he’s short, but not where it matters*. Eyyy.

*on compassion!

Black Bolt, Terry Dodson, Marvel Comics' Inhumans,

Black Bolt

Very quiet and serious. Has tons of “kids,” most of whom aren’t really his kids, but he feels responsible for them anyway. All of those kids are hella dysfunctional, so he’s usually pretty stressed, but he’s also very passionate and serious about his romantic life. Very aloof when meeting new people, though. Don’t wait for him to say “those three little words.” It wouldn’t go well.


Dr Doom, Marvel.com, Scot Eaton, Doomwar

Doom

Doom is the greatest father in the world! Doom absolutely speaks of himself in the third person and ends every sentence with an exclamation mark! All the time, if you know what I mean! He’s actually pretty terrible both as a dad and a romantic partner! But at least he’s rich! He may send a Doombot to go on a date with you instead of himself, then claim it was a test of your perspicacity!

Kyle Rayner, Pencilers Patrick Gleason Inkers Rebecca BuchmanTom NguyenPatrick Gleason Colourists Randy Mayor, DC Comics 2010, Penciler Patrick Gleason, Inkers Rebecca Buchman, Tom Nguyen, Patrick Gleason, Colourist Randy Mayor

Kyle Rayner

Kyle is the artsy dad who spends his days at the coffee shop. His Mother’s Day cards are always top-notch and he’s very good at helping out with school projects and arts and craft days at the library. He once tried to be a barista, but failed so miserably at foam art that he stormed out of the coffee shop and had to pick a new one to work at. Stay away from his refrigerator.

John Stewart, Green Lantern Vol 3 #156, Ariel Olivetti, DC Comics, 2003

John Stewart

Basically the best dad. Thoughtful, responsible, kind, passionate, creative. Very good at managing his time to make sure he has time for you and his kids… except when he has to go save the galaxy, which is pretty often, and his bosses give him like no warning.

Martian Manhunter, DC Comics

J’onn J’onzz

A foster dad, he becomes ‘dad’ to all his kids’ friends and regularly hosts international students for foreign exchange programs. Lord help you if you hurt any one of them. J’onn is a Papa Bear like none other, and isn’t afraid of breaking knees if you break hearts. Always has snacks on hand… but don’t touch his personal stash of Choccos.

Animal Man, Brian Bolland, Vertigo

Animal Man

Buddy is big hearted and well meaning, but an emotional hurricane to live with who will wrap the entire family up in his latest cause. He once made everyone go vegan over the course of a single afternoon and sings along to Morrissey in the shower. The trick to dating Buddy is not to be jealous of the mysterious, fey Scotsman he goes for long walks around the duck pond with. That’s just his daddy.

Thor: the Mighty Avenger by Chris Samnee, colours by Christina Strain

Volstagg

The rambunctious kind of dad who adopts everyone and anyone, including all the neighborhood kids. You’re always a little afraid he’ll lose one of them when he goes on one of his rollicking adventures—fortunately he never does. And what’s more, he always seems to know exactly where each and every one of them is and if they’re feeling left out. Takes frequent snack breaks.

Cassidy

Will definitely tell you to call him Cassidaddy. His parenting skills seem highly dubious and the fact that his children are old enough to be your grandparents is deeply awkward, but he will always be up for talking about his feelings with you in the sweet, dulcet tones of the Emerald Isle. Pets have a habit of disappearing around him and he’s a non starter for early risers, but he’s loyal! To a fault!

deathstrokes-eye.tumblr

deathstrokes-eye.tumblr

Slade Wilson

Wilson’s the very demanding kind of dad with impossible expectations who’s always pushing his kids to do better. His kids are either laid-back and go with the flow or alternatively rebel against him/desperately seek his approval. Last-choice chaperone pick. Seriously, anybody else. His kids also have a bad habit of… not… making it.

Reed Richards, Esad Ribic, Marvel Comics Secret Wars #9

Reed Richards

Focuses more on his work than his kids and doesn’t deal well with being on vacation or family trips. When he does pay attention to his offspring it’s always in an effort to “improve” something about them. His kids basically become his new project, until he’s called away to his next secret scientist meeting. So… Eugenicist Dad? At least he doesn’t have a cult!

Sam Wilson

Arguably the dreamiest of dream daddies. He’s the kind of parent to dutifully attend every school function, plan elaborate weekend field trips that are educational but fun, instill the importance of giving back to the community through frequently volunteering at local nonprofits, and still have time to make a nice home-cooked meal for his tightknit family. He’s a little hard to pin down once you start dating him, thanks to his increasingly hectic social life with his new high-maintenance friends, but his affection and flair for romance more than makes up for it. Expect a lot of funny, flirty phone calls at lunch—and unlimited access to his killer music collection.

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writer. fake geek girl. makes comics, occasionally sells some.

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