Every few weeks, I cycle through fast food cravings. I know I shouldn’t indulge these cravings, but sometimes a bucket of KFC chicken is just what I need. It’s a kind of FU to having to be a responsible adult 24/7. And no, I don’t want to share.
KFC seems to understand my needs and so, for Mother’s day, the fried chicken company released its first novella, Tender Wings of Desire, featuring Harland Sanders as the blond and blue eyed romantic interest of one Lady Madeline Parker.
Madeline has never been interested in the Victorian-era ways of her world. She doesn’t care for needle point and she certainly doesn’t care for a betrothal into a loveless marriage just for the sake of a title. The only thing she can do when faced with this fate is to run away. She finds herself at a small seaside town where she is welcomed and no one asks questions, not even the handsome sailor who catches her eye—and her heart.
KFC’s marketing strategy has evolved over the past few years in hopes of catching the millennial market, but, at least in my town and especially around Mother’s Day, the signs are all about giving mom a day off from cooking dinner. I could get into how they need to stop perpetuating the stereotype of moms in the kitchen, but I’m way too busy laughing at this latest campaign.
The novella is available for free through Amazon so you bet I had to check it out. I wasn’t expecting wonders from the story, but I did expect simple concepts like editing to be in play. As heard in the video above, the book has a lot of problems with the verb “to lie.” It also struggles with the use of contractions. It avoids them at the beginnings of chapters, using them grandly to show its adherence to apparent Victorian standards, but then the writing quickly gets lazy. Come on, KFC. If you’re going to pull off something like this, put in a little more effort.
But, at my last reading, Kindle informed me that over 300 people had highlighted several paragraphs within the novella. Paragraphs like,
His voice was tender as he moved closer beside her, reaching up to touch her shoulder gently. She closed her eyes for a bit, savoring the nearness of him, before taking a step back in an effort to put distance between them. “I love you, Madeline, and I know that you love me too. Isn’t that all that matters?”
Amazon has the novella sitting at 3.5 stars, with many people giving it five stars, and Facebook comments are loaded with thigh and breast puns. But overall, some found the story to be a disappointment. “Was expecting tender breasts and juicy thighs. Perhaps a bit of finger licking goodness. Instead got a tough, dry read lacking spice.” (Amazon reviewer)
Personally speaking, I was fine with a demure story. As much as the descriptions wanted me to see the Colonel with curly blond hair and a sailors tan on his strapping arms and chest, I couldn’t get beyond this: