Mom N’ Popculture: A Parent’s View on Her Kid’s Anxiety

In my close circle of friends and family there are at least four adults who take anti-anxiety medication for various reasons on a daily basis. And those are the ones who are willing to talk about it. Many people still fear judgment for needing medication to deal with anxiety related issues. I believe this is because anxiety disorders are a type of mental illness, and too much stigma surrounds anything related to that term…mental illness.

Although I’ve never taken any anti-anxiety medication, I’ve dealt with more than a few anxiety-related issues such as having panic attacks, breaking out in hives, and stomach aches, almost all of which resulted from social fears while at school, work, or other social situations where there are large groups of people. The worry and fear build up, overwhelm me, and dominate my thought process. Things get fuzzy, and I can’t wait to escape the situation causing the anxiety. Leaving becomes all I can think about. Lucky for me, as an adult, it’s an anxiety that I can manage.

My nine-year-old daughter deals with different types of anxiety. Ones that my pediatrician noticed from an early age and has asked us to keep an eye on as she gets older. When my daughter was two, she pulled out her hair until she had a bald spot on the front of her head. I had to cut all her hair off into a pixie cut to get her to stop. The pediatrician said she’d probably grow out of it, but if she didn’t we’d have to see a child psychologist to determine the what anxiety caused it. She did grow out of the hair pulling, but there are many other little ticks she has developed that I’ve learned to identify as her anxiety tells.

Some of her fears appear to be normal “kid fears.” She still fights off the nurses when they try to just take her blood pressure. She has to stand outside while her younger brother gets a shot because of her prior panic attacks. He doesn’t even flinch at shot time. Tornadoes are a huge irrational fear, and she’s never experienced one. If the lights go out at our house, she’s screaming and running around in wild circles. When some adults speak to her she is so nervous she doesn’t hear them and looks to me to repeat what they say. Every year my first parent/teacher conference begins with a discussion of her anxiety when talking to the teacher and in front of the class, and what the teacher can do to ease some of her fears. Did I mention she’ll start stuttering too if she thinks too many eyes are watching her?

Yet, her favorite place is the dentist’s office, and she’s even been put under anesthesia for dental work when she was three. Testing at school doesn’t faze her a bit. She’s independent and fun and can’t wait to be a professional YouTuber when she grows up. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason to her fears.

Are there ways to shield her anxiety without smothering her and putting her in a protective bubble? What if I’m projecting my own anxiety issues onto her and making a big deal out of nothing? Or is she just wired this way?

If she was still a four-year-old, I don’t think I’d pay as much attention to her behavior as I do, but she’s nine. Her anxiety comes and goes depending on the situation she’s put in but, from what I can tell, mostly centers around fear of the unknown and is followed with many questions of “what if?”

Knowing the difference between normal kid fears and what is truly an issue of my kid’s anxiety issues is difficult for me as a parent. I wonder if I’m missing something now that can stop her from having to take medication as an adult. Are there ways to shield her anxiety without smothering her and putting her in a protective bubble? What if I’m projecting my own anxiety issues onto her and making a big deal out of nothing? Or is she just wired this way?

For example, in our house we can’t watch the local or national news. Not even for five minutes. If we do, my daughter’s nervous tells will begin. Her breathing speeds up, and she puts her fist up close to her eyes and tugs on her face. Her face turns red and she starts asking a ton of questions. Shielding her from the media can’t be the best way to let her grow up, yet I’m at a loss for how else to stop the anxiety at the source. My husband has also lied to her to stop her from focusing on a certain fear. I don’t agree with lying, and I usually try to be very frank and empathetic with her about her fears (not to mention giving lots of reassuring hugs).

My favorite resource for educating my daughter and me on anxiety is WorryWiseKids.org. They have a great explanation for what a parent should be watching for in their kids:

WorryWiseKids Website HeaderAnxiety is considered a disorder not based on what a child is worrying about, but rather how that worry is impacting a child’s functioning. The content may be “normal” but help is needed when a child is experiencing too much worry or suffering immensely over what may appear to be insignificant situations, when worry and avoidance become a child’s automatic response in many situations, when they feel constantly keyed up, or when coaxing or reassurance are ineffective in moving them through. For these children anxiety is not protecting them, but rather preventing them from fully participating in typical activities of daily life-school, friendships, academic performance.

The site also has a Parents Dos and Don’ts section, and I’ve tried to follow their guidelines with the understanding that each child is different. My child is different. And the worry is real. For both of us.

I’m always looking for suggestions on how to deal with anxiety in my child, so please feel free to share your stories and words of wisdom in the comments. If you are like me and shrugging your shoulders on how to deal, then you may be interested in a few other websites that provide information for anxiety and kids listed below.

Resources:

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Melinda Pierce

Melinda Pierce

Contributor for WWAC, mother of 2 mini-geeks, writer, and girl geek. Dreams of having enough time to write Veronica Mars fanfiction. @melindabpierce

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