It is eight o’clock in the morning and your fellow geek calls you up and announces a last-minute con she has decided to attend. Obviously, you have to go with her, but what to wear? It is now time to perform your own superhuman feat and put together an acceptable geek outfit from easily found items. From the depths of my under-slept brain came the idea for Quick Change. Like every superhero before me who must race into action, I too will change into my comic-loving alter ego in record (or just sort of not-slow) time. The mission: find an outfit inspired by a comic book character in a thrift store, resale store, or sales rack in under 20 minutes for under $20.

Before

I love Linda Belcher. She exemplifies a lot of what I hope to be in the future. She’s sassy, crass, and full of wisdom. I have resisted doing a quick change on her thus far because, honestly, it’s too easy. Her one outfit (with very few exceptions) is typical momfit: blue jeans, red thermal shirt, and sneakers with white socks.

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Don’t worry: I didn’t look for a veggie burger in the thrift store; I just ate one beforehand.

TWO scarves!

TWO scarves!

February is the month of love (unlike every other month-the eleven months of disinterest and indifference) and the shortest of them all (good, who can handle 30 days of love?), so I gave in to my desires.

First, I binge watched Bob’s Burgers, then I practiced Linda’s voice for like half an hour with limited success, though, I will say, I can do most of her sounds fairly well. Eh, ehhh, eeeehhhhhh.

Anyway, after all the procrasti-planning, I drew out the items I would need, enlisted my trusty photographer, and snapped the before selfie. It is horribly cold in Chicago. Just so awful. Like, I was tempted to say goodbye to the plan and just draw you all pictures of my love for Linda instead. I bundled up instead and headed out.

During

This went stupid-fast. I had grabbed everything I needed and threw it on my body in eight minutes. I mean, that’s faster than I ever get dressed in the morning by a lot. I don’t even remember moving very quickly. But it was unusually empty in the store and not having to photograph myself really helps streamline the process.

After

IMAG0508I went over budget. I mean, what? This is the least amount of clothing I’ve needed for a Quick Change post, and definitely the most normal clothes to boot. And yet, I went $3 over budget. I just don’t understand. So, that’s some points deducted.

I also think I should have tried harder to find an apron, but I honestly didn’t even know where to begin looking for one. And she only wears it in the restaurant, which is only like half the show. Excuses, excuses.

I’m going to give myself a solid ‘B’ for this one. It is pretty accurate clothing-wise, but it was simple and too expensive.

To make up for the ease of which this was accomplished I have made you an even worse than usual Photoshop:

Al Rosenberg as Linda Belcher.

I am so sorry.