Welcome back to our weekly installment of Gotham Gossip, where Staff Writer Ardo and News Editor Laura discuss, debrief, and generally give their opinions without being asked for them.

Laura

Well, I’ll ask. What did you think of tonight’s episode, Arkham, Ardo?

Not Ardo

Pictured: Not Ardo

Ardo

Eh.

Laura

Gripping! Tell me more.

Ardo

I’m starting to feel like I’ve gotten to the point of sleepwalking through the episode. At least Arrow enrages me with its illogical moments. I feel like a broken record but Cobblepot was ON. POINT. The way he manipulated his way to that promotion was awesome. I could care less about the villain and honestly forgot he was in the episode half the time. Gordon was Gordon. LOOOOOOVED Harvey and I completely agree with your tweet: this show should be told in his perspective. I find that this whole Arkham thing was a bit lackluster as a plot point for a possible “gang war” although I appreciated the mention of Arkham City. I’ve reached the point where I went from being excited to just not caring. I’m not even disappointed which is an emotion and at this point an emotion would be nice.

Laura

Gordon is just [yaaaaaaaaaaaaawn]. I’m pretty sure they have no idea what notes to hit with him as a character. Right now Harvey is easily the most interesting of the two partners.

The best part of the episode for me, by leaps and bounds, was watching Penguin’s power play begin to unfold. I take a probably gruesome amount of glee in the fact that there’s a third (fourth) party in Gotham, and I’m definitely excited for what will probably be a big reveal with him and Fish Mooney at the end of the season. Gotham Cobblepot impresses me a lot more than comics!Cobblepot ever did. He at least seems to have some grip on what’s happening.

Speaking of movers and shakers, Barbara was allowed out of the not!Clocktower this episode! #FreeBarbare

Ardo

Yeah. Barbara seems to be either in her hotel or for a few moments in the station. It seems like her existence is dependant on Gordon! Also, I thought it was funny at first but now I’m annoyed that Harvey is being depicted as a crappy detective. He’s way more competent in the comics and I think having him as a good detective who just chooses to not try too hard (because Gotham) would be far more appealing. By the way, can we talk about this villain and how he kills a dude, takes on his identity, pays his rent and YET HE LEAVES THE DEAD BODY IN THE APARTMENT FOR FIVE YEARS. It would be so much easier to get rid of the body and might have bought himself more time since they wouldn’t have known he was a fraud.

Laura

That villain was the worst. His weapon of choice is literally from a Rogers & Hammerstein musical.

Okay, so we approve of Penguin’s move. What about Fish Mooney’s? Were those like the most uncomfortable and awkward scenes of all time, or was that just me?

Ardo

Yeah. I just laughed throughout especially at the end with the whole “fight for your place” hunger games style of employment. Clearly, she’s going to use the girl as a mole or an assassin against Falcone.

Laura

That was hideous and the whole sequence was jaw-droppingly unbelievable. Both those girls looked like reanimated corpses. I guess that’s…is that what goes for hot in Gotham? Maybe that’s how Falcone rolls? But that fight actually made me laugh out loud, it was so terrible.

Okay. Top “Made me want to smack my own head against a brick wall moments:”

  1. Jim getting all mad because Barbara lied. Like, hello, Jim, are you being an unimpeachable bastion of truthfulness? Extra points for yelling that at the end of conversation started because she confronted him about lying.
  2. Young Bruce, the exposition machine. If you must make Gotham Batman’s origin story, FOX, at least make him something better than a plot point that Jim occasionally spouts platitudes at.
  3. The worst kiss ever filmed.

Any for you, Ardo? This is really very cathartic.

Ardo

Honestly? Didn’t have many of those since I was a catatonic viewer the entire hour. I do agree with you on Bruce’s role in this show:

Gordon: Man, I need to solve this case and be all “only good man carry the Gotham burden” but first, have I visited Bruce yet today?

Bruce: You haven’t!

Gordon: Bruce, I just came by to tell you that Gotham will one day need a saviour-

Bruce: I’M BATMAN!

That’s basically the conversation every single time they meet. At this point, can’t we just have a CW show where it focuses on adolescent Bruce on his way to becoming Batman with Harvey Bullock as his cop buddie and Gordon is too busy climbing up the ranks and Catwoman and Poison Ivy go to his school as scholarship kids-

OMG WHY ISN’T THIS A SHOW??

Laura

We need a WWAC production company to MAKE IT SO.

Okay, team, unless there’s any last thoughts, I’m going to wrap it up here until next week’s coverage of episode 1.05: “Viper.”

(I seriously hope this means Gordon will track a vigilante with a shape-shifting sports car and a sweet sweet 80’s mullet.)

Ardo

(Or The Viper from Game of Thrones. Please let it be The Viper from Game of Thrones)

Laura

Remember, kids, Gotham can be saved! Or, at least, it’s worth trying. Jim Gordon says so, and he’s definitely not quite the worst adult figure on television, so you know it’s got to be true. Tune in next week, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel, to join Ardo and me as we ask why, FOX, why.